Writing the Wrongs

I believe many of you can relate to not being terribly concerned with people hurting you directly, but when your friends and family - your loved ones - are harmed, you take on a new kind of energy.

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That's where I am. That's where I've been.

You see, people have taken liberties they were not granted. People have stolen time, confidence, money, and hope under the guise of love, friendship, faith, business, and a host of other falsehoods. And where I have the capacity to forgive the wrongs brought against me, I am limited in my ability to do the same where others are concerned.

But what I am consistently reminded is that I do not know more than God. I do not understand more than God. I do not feel more than God. I do not have more power to right these wrongs than God.

And often, after being reminded, I wonder what I can do to help. And what I am shown time and time again, is that I possess the ability to write these wrongs in a way in which others can digest them, using a medium by which others can gain alternative perspectives, and in a tone where others can find their voice.

Let's explore this gift together.

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Chapter Endings (Goodbye 2016)

For many years, I have known that time is the greatest gift one can give. However, I have chronically and selfishly hoarded my time more and more until it was neither invested in myself or other people. And because of this, I have become more distant and more unsettled in my spirit.  

See, I've spent quite a few years feeling guilty for things I have no control over and avoiding the things I could control; talk about time and energy drains. And as I reflect on all these things, I can't help but to think of all the people who have made a positive impact to this life journey of mine; I sincerely hope that I have, in return, positively impacted their lives as well.

But this year proved to be quite the challenging year for me (and a great many other people as well). And my lack of meaningful time investments have led me to live an unhealthy lifestyle. So I am now actively endeavoring to take my control back for those things I have the ability to control.

And as we embark on the coming year, if this has been your struggle as well, I encourage you to do the same. So that together, in 2017, we can truly be fearlessly bold, amazingly beautiful, empatheticlly kind, sincerely compassionate, incredibly productive, unapologetically forgiving and intentionally courageous.

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Happy New Year! (2015)

I spent the better part of the day taking inventory of my blessings. Acknowledging accomplishments made and challenges endured in 2014. For many, including myself, last year was a challenging year to go through. But as sure as you’re reading this blog entry - we made it through! We persevered. And that alone is an accomplishment worthy of celebrating.   

I believe that we must constantly reevaluate ourselves and our purpose. I also believe that it is important to set goals (S.M.A.R.T.). So it is during this time of year that I begin identifying new goals and rearranging previous goals that have not yet been reached. Goals that closely align with my vision and my purpose. Whatever goals we set for ourselves and whatever our individual purpose is, we must always remember to proceed with beauty, grace, kindness and openness. And when doing so, we must also remember to be encouraging, uplifting, courageous, empowering, grateful, genuine and well!

Happy New Year!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Time: The Disease of Procrastination

I began taking public transportation to work last month, after having semi-relocated. Prior to this transition, I spent many hours processing the upcoming changes and what they meant for my life. Earlier mornings, longer days, extended commute, more interaction with strangers and less time at home. This ultimately boiled down to one thing - I would have less time to procrastinate. Less. Time. To. Procrastinate. A more productive life was one positive thing out of all the changes I had been preparing myself to accept. For several years, I've been saying that a more productive life is what desired. And the thought made me excited but as soon as I'd become excited, I'd remember - earlier mornings, longer days, extended commute, more interaction with strangers and less time at home. =)

I've always praised myself on having been so productive when I was a student. I maintained a decent GPA while working full-time and taking care of my other responsibilities. I even managed to have something resembling a social life. I made things happen and I got things done. Efficient and effective. But once I graduated, I began putting things off. And the time I spent procrastinating multiplied exponentially.

It's been years since I was a student. Years since my life was a finely tuned time efficiency machine. And just so we're clear, I procrastinated as a student as well, however, the time I spent doing so was far less. 

And while some things will take a lot longer to get used to than others, I'm excited with the challenge. I'm excited to see how much my productivity will rise. I look forward to tracking my progress in attaining certain goals that I've been putting off. 

So, if you're like me and need a reason to buckle down and get productive, I challenge you to find that reason. Together, we can take back control of our lives (as much as any one person can take control of their life). And whatever we do, let's remember to be bold, beautiful, encouraging, uplifting, empowering, present living, future focused, productive, efficient, effective and well. 

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Make Time

I haven't posted in quite a while; I've been busy taking care of some important personal matters. I found, however, over the past two months, that I've missed blog writing. It has definitely become a treasured outlet for me. Another way to express myself in a constructively.

Art is my therapy. I use poetry to express my frustrations and joys and blog writing to remind myself to be the best person I can be. And through the process of my art, I hope that I invite others to do the same. But sometimes other things take precedence. Life doesn't always allow for us to take the time to be creative. But as we continue living our lives, I believe that it is imperative that we [make] time. Make time to identify and utilize constructive outlets in our lives. Make time for the things we love - especially if they will help us become the person we wish to be.

And while we're on the topic of making time, I also believe that it is imperative to [make] time for the people in your life that mean the most to you. Even if your schedules are full and chaotic, move things around where you can so that you can spend more time with the people that bring out the best in you. I guarantee, if you invest your time in people that want you to succeed in life, your return will be more than you could have ever imagined. So while we're making time for creativity and our loved ones, remember to be bold, beautiful, genuine, considerate, encouraging, mindful, kind, inspiring, creative and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Communication: Personal Relationships

I recently stumbled across a piece that I wrote about communicating in personal relationships. Alarmingly, the message is still relevant for me today. My personal relationships have become increasingly impersonal as more user-friendly social media outlets emerge. Even thinking about it now, I haven't had a face-to-face or phone conversation with several people that I care a great deal about, in quite some time. I wrote: 

"Who had I become - this person who thinks communication is considered efficient when only a text message had been sent or a "like" icon was clicked on a Facebook photo or status update? One or two comments left on a "wall" or a "tweet" with a hashtag for clarity had become the only way that I was allowing myself to be expressive -- personally. What happened to my ideologies that communication was most effective when non-verbal cues could be observed? Why was it that I was so willing to communicate, for lack of a better word, in a medium wherein everything was lost in translation? Had I accepted societal norms, thus, accepting that this emerging form of communication was in fact effective communication for young adults in America?"

I continue to subconsciously pretend that I'm content with the impersonal nature of the relationships I consider cultivated. My hope is that you are not as familiar as I with regard to these types of relationships. However, if impersonal relationships are a common theme in your life, I challenge you, as I've once again challenged myself, to take a proactive approach when communicating personally. If we expect our new or stagnant relationships to blossom into lifelong relationships, we must first make the effort, to interact on a more personal level. And as our relationships evolve into strong and healthy lifelong relationships, remember that they too must be maintained on a personal level.  

With that being said, please don't get me wrong. Social media and messaging tools are not bad things. They are a great way to stay connected when distance and time prevent you from physically being in the same space as the person/people in which you are interacting with. And while some messaging and social media outlets offer a more personal approach to virtual communication, it should not be the only form of communication you have with the people in which you wish to build strong relationships with. Relationships that require a higher level of personal interaction but lack nurturing and are deprived of growth opportunities, will not outlast the test of time. So while we make the effort to strengthen our personal relationships through face-to-face interactions, let's also remember to be bold, beautiful, mindful, courageous, kind, genuine, nurturing, uplifting, conscious, encouraging, inspiring and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Authenticity Required

For many years I struggled with wanting to please people. Fearful that if I didn't make every effort possible to be the person that others wanted me to be, they wouldn't accept me. However, what I have come to realize is having that type of mentality is poisonous to my life. No matter how may people talk about us for not living and/or acting a certain way, we must remain committed to being our authentic selves.

Now, please don't get me wrong - being authentic doesn't mean that we shouldn't be adaptable. Additionally, I'm not saying that we should never concern ourselves with what other people think. After all, people's impressions of us play a huge part in our lives, specifically in how we network and progress in the world (both socially and professionally). Adaptability is one of the best qualities we can possess. Whether we are hanging out with friends or conversing with colleagues, having the ability to modify our behavior and the way in which we communicate effectively in any environment is a must. However, we mustn't compromise who we are (fundamentally) in an effort to please others.

Life truly becomes increasingly joyful when we stop pretending to be someone else. When we are no longer fearful of what other people think about the person we used to be, the person we are and the person we are becoming, we have the courage to be our authentic selves. So I challenge you, as I have challenged myself, to be authentically you. And while we are being our authentic selves, it is imperative that we remember to be bold, beautiful, kind, encouraged, courageous, genuine, conscious and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Setting Goals

I've always been goal-oriented. Partly because of my upbringing, though, most importantly because I believe that progress is still progress no matter how slow it moves. Therefore, whenever I set goals for myself, I focus on the S.M.A.R.T. goals model. Being able to set S.M.A.R.T. goals has really helped me achieve previous successes. The model encourages that the goals we set should be:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Realistic
• Time-targeted

For example, when I went back to school, I had already identified the degree I wanted to earn. I knew the time period in which I wanted to earn it, the resources and steps required to make it happen and ultimately the purpose I wanted it to serve. Each course that I completed served as a milestone on the road to achieving that goal. After all milestones had been reached, I had earned my degree.

The people closest to me know that I work very hard to achieve the goals I set for myself. So much so that I often forget to celebrate the milestones I achieve, prior to continuing on my journey to achieve the next goal. And I often find that without doing so, I reach burnout much sooner. A good friend of mine encourages me to reflect on my accomplishments. He reminds me to celebrate myself and not by way of being boastful, but simply to look back on how far I've come.

When setting goals in life, I challenge you to set S.M.A.R.T. goals. No matter how long it takes to achieve them, remember that you are still making progress if you are moving forward. And on your journey to attaining your goals, don't forget to take the time to reflect on your progress. It is definitely possible to work on multiple goals at the same time and often this is the reality of moving forward. Many times, I find myself modifying my goals, whether it's to change the priority of the goal or to simply to adjust the timetable; don't be afraid to modify your own goals when needed. Lastly, when setting your goals, don't forget to be bold, focused, encouraged, motivated and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Choose Forgiveness: Grudges Don't Build Bridges

Inevitably, we will feel that someone has wronged us in some way. From the stranger that parked in the parking space (in the packed parking lot) that we were waiting on for three minutes, to a loved one that didn't keep their word - we are left feeling, among other things, upset, frustrated, hurt and disappointed. And when we find ourselves experiencing these feelings, it becomes very easy to hold a grudge against the person that made us feel this way. However, it is then that we must choose to forgive them. We must choose not to hold that grudge against them.

Now, please don't get me wrong - there are so many hurtful things in life that take us a lot longer to process. And in these situations, forgiveness is not easily given. However, once we are able to forgive others, we give ourselves permission to move forward. And in giving ourselves permission to move forward, we allow joy to enter into our lives. We may never see the person that wronged us again, however, if we have a somewhat lifelong relationship with them, it's imperative that we remember - grudges don't build bridges. Because the truth is, forgiving someone always benefits us more than it does them. And maintaining positive relationships with people that will remain a part of our lives, will more than likely benefit us as well.

Whether the wrong was actual or perceived - intentional or not - we must be willing to let it go. Some wrongs are so hurtful that it will take more than our decision to forgive, to let it go...and that's okay. Because whether we process these wrongs by faith, counseling and/or time, we will feel much better once we've let it go. So, in life, don't ever forget to be bold, beautiful, willing, forgiving, loving, kind, courageous, positive and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Pressing Through

I've spent the last three months consciously focusing on healing. Admittedly, life during Q4 2013 dealt some pretty devastating blows that knocked me to the ground. And day by day, through faith, family and friends, I progress in the effort to pick myself up and carry on. Met with many challenges, each day presents me with the opportunity to be the best me that I can be. Each day, I remind myself that my feelings and emotions are valid, that I am someone who is valuable and that I have a voice.

We are all remarkably human. We are beautifully flawed and we make mistakes. We know joy and we know sorrow. We have amazing resiliency and the power to change. We all have a purpose in this life and we are stronger than we ever thought we needed to be. We have highs and we have lows...and we have everything in between.

So, no matter what life throws at you, remind yourself that healing requires conscious effort, as well as time. Try not to rush the process. This is your life. And while you're living your life, remember to be bold, beautiful, courageous, conscious, strong, forgiving, focused, uplifting, kind and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

The Beginning - 2014

As the first day of the year comes to an end, I can't help but reflect on the past year; I am so grateful for all that I have in this world. My family and I had many ups and downs in 2013; some things were out of our control and others were intentional. And I know that I talk a lot about perspective because I truly believe that when you have a positive perspective, even the worst situations become less stressful. However, very rarely do I talk about the challenge of getting to that perspective. And it seems that when things are out of our control, it's most challenging to gain a positive perspective.

Over the past few months, I began to forget this. And not everyday and in every situation, but intermittently. I began to lose sight of the value of positive perspective. I allowed things that I had no control over to take "control over me". And the "control over me" didn't go away at the stroke of midnight, today. I'm still working through it. And I realize that it's going to take a great deal of work to get completely through it.

Everyday isn't going to be applesauce and rainbows. Some days are challenging (in the least positive way) and mentally, physically and emotionally overwhelming. And every situation or challenge that we encounter doesn't just go away overnight. And you may be reading this while dealing with some challenging and/or overwhelming situations in your own life.  But as you navigate through life, I hope you'll remember what I had to remind myself: you are not alone in this world. Be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be patient, be conscious, be positive, be kind, be loving, be grateful and be well!

Happy New Year!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Are you chasing seasons?

Chasing Seasons
An observation by Nichol Blair
 

I caught a glimpse of her. She had been away so long. Lost. Abducted by depression and consumed by fear. She had been attacked by time and suffocated by doubt. Empty without motivation or inspiration; the disappointing truths remained. Exhausted. She still ran.
 

See, she had been chasing seasons.

Once her passions were so strong; igniting wildfires. But it seemed as though her dreams had been extinguished. She could reappoint the fabrications that she once fed herself but she told me she didn’t have an appetite for them these days.

The seasons came and went, all leaving their mark on her heart. She had changed. Resuscitated by faith - still - she felt defeated. It seemed as though she didn’t know how to live without the pain. One could argue that she brought it on herself but, she would surely deny it. Misguided. She still ran.

Searching for answers, she pressed on. She emerged every time missing pieces of her heart, pieces of her mind, and pieces of her spirit. Discouraged. One could surmise that her self-esteem was low having put herself through those seasons but again, she would deny it. Broken. She wept.

Our seasons are simply our life experiences; some good and some not. Challenges and relationships that have burdened us. Dreams that we put on hold because life happened. Arguably, everyone experiences one or more of these observations throughout their lifetime. So my question to you is, are you chasing seasons? Because if you are, I'm here to tell you that it's okay. Life happens. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not. But when it's not, be sure to take time to recover. Recuperate from those negative experiences. Take time to heal and grow, and take what you've learned from those challenges and apply it in the future. Allow yourself to process your feelings as you move forward. Try your best not to let your negative experiences make you angry, bitter or mean. Proceed in life with kindness and an open mind, allowing your experiences to make you a better person. Evaluate the consequences - both positive and negative - of your decisions. Make them consciously.  And we can't always decide what happens to us in this life, but we can most certainly be mindful of how we react to it. So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be encouraged, be honest, be mindful, be kind and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Words hurt.

There's an old adage that states:

Sticks and stones will break my bones

But words will never harm me.

And as a child, I learned the nursery rhyme called "Sticks and Stones" that reads:

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But names will never hurt me.

Well, I'm here to tell you that words can hurt. People have always used words maliciously. Some people use their words to be hurtful, destructive and oppressive to others, most commonly in an effort to uplift themselves. Like most, words have hurt me throughout my life, leaving invisible but very real scars. And admittedly,  even after knowing the pain that words can cause, I have used my own words maliciously, tactlessly and uncouthly.

But please understand, the more you use your words as a weapon, the easier it becomes to continue using your words negatively. Anything that you do repeatedly has the ability to become a habit and regardless to how you have used your words to tear people down in the past, you are capable of reversing this habit. This type of behavior is learned and cyclical but we are capable of breaking the cycle. Practice tact. Understandably, you cannot  always make everyone happy with what you say and you cannot change a person's interpretation of what you've said. However, you are capable of staying mindful of how what you are saying can be perceived and how it may affect others.

Words have to power to uplift, inspire and encourage. How will you use your words today? Will you use them positively or will you use them negatively? Be not deceived, we have made no progress if we uplift ourselves while oppressing others. So let's be bold, beautiful, courageous, uplifting, encouraging and kind!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

To new beginnings...

Dear reader:

I am hopeful that the journey in which we are about to embark upon will empower us to be better human beings. But before we begin, there are a few things that I need for you to understand:

1. You are beautiful. And not just some of you - all of you. Regardless to whether you are male, female or working openly/discreetly to sort it all out. Regardless to whether you are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, asexual, transsexual, transgender, queer and any other label you have given yourself or any label that society has given you. Regardless to your faith, political opinions, race, ethnicity, nationality and upbringing.
2. You are capable. And not just some of you - all of you. You are capable of being a good person. You are capable of being successful. You are capable of righting your wrongs. You are a capable of being loved. You are capable of loving someone. You are capable of admitting when you've messed up. You are capable of accepting praise. You are capable of learning. You are capable of being right. You are capable of giving. You are capable of achieving. You are capable of changing. You are capable of forgiving. You are capable of accomplishing. You are capable of overcoming. You are capable of loving yourself. You are capable of helping. You are capable of receiving. And you are capable of defining what all of the above looks like. 
3. You are human. And not just some of you - all of you. You are flawed and imperfect…and you are beautiful and you are capable.

Now, please don't get the wrong impression. I'm no expert on life and I don't have all the answers. I'm just familiar with some of life's ups and downs. And not unlike you, I am beautiful, capable and human. And I've tried my best to be hateful and spiteful, however, I wasn't very good at it. And despite my efforts at being completely consumed with bitterness, I discovered that I'm much better at being uplifting and encouraging. So, let's be bold, beautiful, courageous and kind!

Love & Peace

Niki B.