Chapter Endings (Goodbye 2016)

For many years, I have known that time is the greatest gift one can give. However, I have chronically and selfishly hoarded my time more and more until it was neither invested in myself or other people. And because of this, I have become more distant and more unsettled in my spirit.  

See, I've spent quite a few years feeling guilty for things I have no control over and avoiding the things I could control; talk about time and energy drains. And as I reflect on all these things, I can't help but to think of all the people who have made a positive impact to this life journey of mine; I sincerely hope that I have, in return, positively impacted their lives as well.

But this year proved to be quite the challenging year for me (and a great many other people as well). And my lack of meaningful time investments have led me to live an unhealthy lifestyle. So I am now actively endeavoring to take my control back for those things I have the ability to control.

And as we embark on the coming year, if this has been your struggle as well, I encourage you to do the same. So that together, in 2017, we can truly be fearlessly bold, amazingly beautiful, empatheticlly kind, sincerely compassionate, incredibly productive, unapologetically forgiving and intentionally courageous.

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Happy New Year! (2015)

I spent the better part of the day taking inventory of my blessings. Acknowledging accomplishments made and challenges endured in 2014. For many, including myself, last year was a challenging year to go through. But as sure as you’re reading this blog entry - we made it through! We persevered. And that alone is an accomplishment worthy of celebrating.   

I believe that we must constantly reevaluate ourselves and our purpose. I also believe that it is important to set goals (S.M.A.R.T.). So it is during this time of year that I begin identifying new goals and rearranging previous goals that have not yet been reached. Goals that closely align with my vision and my purpose. Whatever goals we set for ourselves and whatever our individual purpose is, we must always remember to proceed with beauty, grace, kindness and openness. And when doing so, we must also remember to be encouraging, uplifting, courageous, empowering, grateful, genuine and well!

Happy New Year!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Make Time

I haven't posted in quite a while; I've been busy taking care of some important personal matters. I found, however, over the past two months, that I've missed blog writing. It has definitely become a treasured outlet for me. Another way to express myself in a constructively.

Art is my therapy. I use poetry to express my frustrations and joys and blog writing to remind myself to be the best person I can be. And through the process of my art, I hope that I invite others to do the same. But sometimes other things take precedence. Life doesn't always allow for us to take the time to be creative. But as we continue living our lives, I believe that it is imperative that we [make] time. Make time to identify and utilize constructive outlets in our lives. Make time for the things we love - especially if they will help us become the person we wish to be.

And while we're on the topic of making time, I also believe that it is imperative to [make] time for the people in your life that mean the most to you. Even if your schedules are full and chaotic, move things around where you can so that you can spend more time with the people that bring out the best in you. I guarantee, if you invest your time in people that want you to succeed in life, your return will be more than you could have ever imagined. So while we're making time for creativity and our loved ones, remember to be bold, beautiful, genuine, considerate, encouraging, mindful, kind, inspiring, creative and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Byproducts

Far stricter than my mother, my father never cut my sisters and me any slack. Although he maintains that he was not focused on raising women, but focused on raising people, a great many years I wished that he would have taught us to embrace our femininity. As a result of his method of child rearing, among other things, I learned how to be independent and confident that I could do great things. However, I also struggled for many years to understand the traditional role that society has placed on women - socially and professionally.

Whether we were doing homework, housework or yard work, my father wouldn't allow us to state that we had finished something until it was the best that it could be. At the time, I thought he was mean and that nothing was ever "good enough" to him. Today, I understand that he was teaching us the importance of good work ethic and being able to take pride in everything that we did. However, those two things weren't all we learned. We also learned that we were capable of so much more than we gave ourselves credit for and that putting in more effort at the start and taking our time to complete the task ahead of us, would ultimately save us time and effort in the end.

Additionally, I was taught to avoid being directly confrontational. Subsequently, I learned how to be passive aggressive. You see, some lessons and behaviors are taught as a byproduct of that which was intended to be taught. The truth is, we also learn things subconsciously; some good and some not. From the examples I gave, we can identify a few positive byproducts associated with the lesson in which I learned. Adversely, there were some byproducts that weren't intended to be taught. Therefore, I believe it is imperative that we consider, no matter how well intentioned we are, the byproducts of our actions, behavior and the lessons we aim to teach. In doing so, we will not completely remove the less favorable byproducts, however, it may help to alleviate many of them. So, as we consider the byproducts we leave behind, let's also remember to be mindful, conscious, courageous, kind, loving, bold, beautiful and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Authenticity Required

For many years I struggled with wanting to please people. Fearful that if I didn't make every effort possible to be the person that others wanted me to be, they wouldn't accept me. However, what I have come to realize is having that type of mentality is poisonous to my life. No matter how may people talk about us for not living and/or acting a certain way, we must remain committed to being our authentic selves.

Now, please don't get me wrong - being authentic doesn't mean that we shouldn't be adaptable. Additionally, I'm not saying that we should never concern ourselves with what other people think. After all, people's impressions of us play a huge part in our lives, specifically in how we network and progress in the world (both socially and professionally). Adaptability is one of the best qualities we can possess. Whether we are hanging out with friends or conversing with colleagues, having the ability to modify our behavior and the way in which we communicate effectively in any environment is a must. However, we mustn't compromise who we are (fundamentally) in an effort to please others.

Life truly becomes increasingly joyful when we stop pretending to be someone else. When we are no longer fearful of what other people think about the person we used to be, the person we are and the person we are becoming, we have the courage to be our authentic selves. So I challenge you, as I have challenged myself, to be authentically you. And while we are being our authentic selves, it is imperative that we remember to be bold, beautiful, kind, encouraged, courageous, genuine, conscious and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Setting Goals

I've always been goal-oriented. Partly because of my upbringing, though, most importantly because I believe that progress is still progress no matter how slow it moves. Therefore, whenever I set goals for myself, I focus on the S.M.A.R.T. goals model. Being able to set S.M.A.R.T. goals has really helped me achieve previous successes. The model encourages that the goals we set should be:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Realistic
• Time-targeted

For example, when I went back to school, I had already identified the degree I wanted to earn. I knew the time period in which I wanted to earn it, the resources and steps required to make it happen and ultimately the purpose I wanted it to serve. Each course that I completed served as a milestone on the road to achieving that goal. After all milestones had been reached, I had earned my degree.

The people closest to me know that I work very hard to achieve the goals I set for myself. So much so that I often forget to celebrate the milestones I achieve, prior to continuing on my journey to achieve the next goal. And I often find that without doing so, I reach burnout much sooner. A good friend of mine encourages me to reflect on my accomplishments. He reminds me to celebrate myself and not by way of being boastful, but simply to look back on how far I've come.

When setting goals in life, I challenge you to set S.M.A.R.T. goals. No matter how long it takes to achieve them, remember that you are still making progress if you are moving forward. And on your journey to attaining your goals, don't forget to take the time to reflect on your progress. It is definitely possible to work on multiple goals at the same time and often this is the reality of moving forward. Many times, I find myself modifying my goals, whether it's to change the priority of the goal or to simply to adjust the timetable; don't be afraid to modify your own goals when needed. Lastly, when setting your goals, don't forget to be bold, focused, encouraged, motivated and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Choose Forgiveness: Grudges Don't Build Bridges

Inevitably, we will feel that someone has wronged us in some way. From the stranger that parked in the parking space (in the packed parking lot) that we were waiting on for three minutes, to a loved one that didn't keep their word - we are left feeling, among other things, upset, frustrated, hurt and disappointed. And when we find ourselves experiencing these feelings, it becomes very easy to hold a grudge against the person that made us feel this way. However, it is then that we must choose to forgive them. We must choose not to hold that grudge against them.

Now, please don't get me wrong - there are so many hurtful things in life that take us a lot longer to process. And in these situations, forgiveness is not easily given. However, once we are able to forgive others, we give ourselves permission to move forward. And in giving ourselves permission to move forward, we allow joy to enter into our lives. We may never see the person that wronged us again, however, if we have a somewhat lifelong relationship with them, it's imperative that we remember - grudges don't build bridges. Because the truth is, forgiving someone always benefits us more than it does them. And maintaining positive relationships with people that will remain a part of our lives, will more than likely benefit us as well.

Whether the wrong was actual or perceived - intentional or not - we must be willing to let it go. Some wrongs are so hurtful that it will take more than our decision to forgive, to let it go...and that's okay. Because whether we process these wrongs by faith, counseling and/or time, we will feel much better once we've let it go. So, in life, don't ever forget to be bold, beautiful, willing, forgiving, loving, kind, courageous, positive and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Pressing Through

I've spent the last three months consciously focusing on healing. Admittedly, life during Q4 2013 dealt some pretty devastating blows that knocked me to the ground. And day by day, through faith, family and friends, I progress in the effort to pick myself up and carry on. Met with many challenges, each day presents me with the opportunity to be the best me that I can be. Each day, I remind myself that my feelings and emotions are valid, that I am someone who is valuable and that I have a voice.

We are all remarkably human. We are beautifully flawed and we make mistakes. We know joy and we know sorrow. We have amazing resiliency and the power to change. We all have a purpose in this life and we are stronger than we ever thought we needed to be. We have highs and we have lows...and we have everything in between.

So, no matter what life throws at you, remind yourself that healing requires conscious effort, as well as time. Try not to rush the process. This is your life. And while you're living your life, remember to be bold, beautiful, courageous, conscious, strong, forgiving, focused, uplifting, kind and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

The Beginning - 2014

As the first day of the year comes to an end, I can't help but reflect on the past year; I am so grateful for all that I have in this world. My family and I had many ups and downs in 2013; some things were out of our control and others were intentional. And I know that I talk a lot about perspective because I truly believe that when you have a positive perspective, even the worst situations become less stressful. However, very rarely do I talk about the challenge of getting to that perspective. And it seems that when things are out of our control, it's most challenging to gain a positive perspective.

Over the past few months, I began to forget this. And not everyday and in every situation, but intermittently. I began to lose sight of the value of positive perspective. I allowed things that I had no control over to take "control over me". And the "control over me" didn't go away at the stroke of midnight, today. I'm still working through it. And I realize that it's going to take a great deal of work to get completely through it.

Everyday isn't going to be applesauce and rainbows. Some days are challenging (in the least positive way) and mentally, physically and emotionally overwhelming. And every situation or challenge that we encounter doesn't just go away overnight. And you may be reading this while dealing with some challenging and/or overwhelming situations in your own life.  But as you navigate through life, I hope you'll remember what I had to remind myself: you are not alone in this world. Be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be patient, be conscious, be positive, be kind, be loving, be grateful and be well!

Happy New Year!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

The Closing - 2013

Ok, here it is. I don't always follow the rules. I love romance - even if it's simple or cliché. I love intimacy - regardless to whether it's hand holding or cuddling. I like to giggle and act silly and I am not at all opposed to catering to the ones I love. Among other things, sentiments of the heart make me cry. I love to eat excellent food with great people while having stimulating conversations. I believe that time is the greatest gift you can give, there is no greater compliment than beauty, flowers are thoughtful and sincerity is priceless. I try my best not to hold grudges and not to keep score even though it's easier said than done. I count my blessings often because I know they are gifts from God. 2013 packed a pretty heavy punch - I pray that I can punch back in 2014! I pray that I'll find comfort through creative expression and that I'll have the strength not to compromise who I am to please others. And if you'll allow me to, I'll pray the same for you! Be well, be kind, be bold, be beautiful, be sincere, be good to yourselves and be good to others.

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Are you chasing seasons?

Chasing Seasons
An observation by Nichol Blair
 

I caught a glimpse of her. She had been away so long. Lost. Abducted by depression and consumed by fear. She had been attacked by time and suffocated by doubt. Empty without motivation or inspiration; the disappointing truths remained. Exhausted. She still ran.
 

See, she had been chasing seasons.

Once her passions were so strong; igniting wildfires. But it seemed as though her dreams had been extinguished. She could reappoint the fabrications that she once fed herself but she told me she didn’t have an appetite for them these days.

The seasons came and went, all leaving their mark on her heart. She had changed. Resuscitated by faith - still - she felt defeated. It seemed as though she didn’t know how to live without the pain. One could argue that she brought it on herself but, she would surely deny it. Misguided. She still ran.

Searching for answers, she pressed on. She emerged every time missing pieces of her heart, pieces of her mind, and pieces of her spirit. Discouraged. One could surmise that her self-esteem was low having put herself through those seasons but again, she would deny it. Broken. She wept.

Our seasons are simply our life experiences; some good and some not. Challenges and relationships that have burdened us. Dreams that we put on hold because life happened. Arguably, everyone experiences one or more of these observations throughout their lifetime. So my question to you is, are you chasing seasons? Because if you are, I'm here to tell you that it's okay. Life happens. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not. But when it's not, be sure to take time to recover. Recuperate from those negative experiences. Take time to heal and grow, and take what you've learned from those challenges and apply it in the future. Allow yourself to process your feelings as you move forward. Try your best not to let your negative experiences make you angry, bitter or mean. Proceed in life with kindness and an open mind, allowing your experiences to make you a better person. Evaluate the consequences - both positive and negative - of your decisions. Make them consciously.  And we can't always decide what happens to us in this life, but we can most certainly be mindful of how we react to it. So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be encouraged, be honest, be mindful, be kind and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

An unapologetic journey.

For the first time in a really long time, I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. I sincerely believe that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And this past year and a half has been incredibly challenging...for lack of a better phrase, in seemingly every area of my life. So I spent a great deal of time rewriting the vision and the journey brought about a rediscovery of self. And from this rediscovery of self, I have made conscious decisions about my life, the vision and my future...and for none am I apologetic.

The one thing that really stands out to me about this journey is that sometimes you have to walk away from poisonous relationships, regardless to whether they are friendships or partnerships. Sometimes, you have to remove angry and negative people from your every day life...even if they're family. Why? Because you are worth it! You are worthy of all good things and you deserve to have everything your heart desires!

Work hard, stay focused and if you believe in a higher power - trust in it. Understand that some people don't know how to be encouraging and/or supportive. And understand that ultimately, that isn't your problem. Live with purpose, set goals/milestones for yourself and keep moving forward. Life shouldn't be a race unless you want it to be. And progress is still progress no matter how slow it moves. So be beautiful, be bold, be encouraged, be inspired, be kind, be courageous, be encouraging, be supportive, be conscious and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

How critical are you?

Sometimes, we can be so critical of others. So much so that what we say to people affects their self-esteem...but that's a blog post for another day. Today, I'd like to address the importance of being self-critical and how it can both positively and negatively affect our own self-esteem.  The word self means: by, to, with, for, or toward yourself or itself (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary). The word critical means: using or involving careful judgment about the good and bad parts of something  (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary). Therefore, to be self-critical means that you are using careful judgment about the good and bad parts of yourself. The ability to be self-critical allows us to improve ourselves.

Now, I don't know anyone that is more critical of my words, thoughts and actions as much as I am. This is a good thing because it allows me to acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses. However, what isn't a good thing, is that I can be so self-critical that it starts  to hinder my growth and progress in certain areas of my life. Take this blog for example. I've wanted to start a blog for over three years. The excuses that I used to delay starting a blog? Here, I'll list a few of them:  

1. No one will care what you have to say…and why should they? 
2. You aren't a good speller. 
3. Your grammar isn't always perfect. 
4. You don't have anything to talk about. 
5. Your life isn't picture perfect.

The list goes on and on. And it took a long time for me to step out of my box because I kept feeding the self-doubt that lived inside of me. Now, one blog at a time, I'm actualizing a dream. However small it may seem to you, it's my progress…and progress is still progress no matter how slow it moves. So remember this, you are capable of making progress in all of the areas of your life that you wish to make progress in. So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be [moderately] self-critical and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Is your roof leaking?

When I was a little girl, the family room of the house I grew up in used to have an open beam ceiling and a flat roof and every time it would rain, the roof leaked. You could always smell the wet wood before you saw the water and because of how the water would run down the wood beams, where the water dripped didn't necessarily mean that’s were the leak was. My parents, having other financial obligations, were unable to buy a new roof or even have it professionally repaired for some time. So my dad would study the leak inside while it was raining and when the rain subsided, he would climb up to the roof, try to find the hole/leak and patch it up. Eventually, they had enough money saved to purchase a new roof and we never had a leak again.

I've found that life is a lot like that leaking roof, wherein we are the roof and the elements represent the unwanted challenges, setbacks, disappointments and failures that we encounter throughout our lifetime. And as we are exposed to more and more elements, we begin to wear down and sometimes we lose our effectiveness at being our best selves. We forget who we once were, our light dims and/or we lose focus on our purpose; all these things represent a leaking roof. Now you can try to abate the effects that the elements have on your life with quick fixes and fancy patchwork, but eventually you will need to purchase a new life. And new lives don't go on sale; they're always sold at full-price. But they can't be purchased with money. No, it'll cost you much more. You see, the best quality of lives can only be purchased with insecurities, self-doubt and fears. Because once you've traded those babies in, you’ve got yourself a brand new life!

So my question to you is - is your roof leaking? If so, you may be in need of a new one! Life happens to everyone and just because someone else's situation doesn't look like yours, doesn't mean that they don't have their own situation to deal with. And sometimes, the elements can negatively affect one area of our lives but project in another. Be mindful of this both within yourself and when dealing with others. And once you positively change your thinking, you are capable of positively changing your living. So do your best not to take on the victim mentality when the elements feel insurmountable. It may take a great deal of time and energy, but you will - one day - be able to purchase a new life! So be bold, be beautiful, be kind, be confident, be courageous, be encouraged and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Words hurt.

There's an old adage that states:

Sticks and stones will break my bones

But words will never harm me.

And as a child, I learned the nursery rhyme called "Sticks and Stones" that reads:

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But names will never hurt me.

Well, I'm here to tell you that words can hurt. People have always used words maliciously. Some people use their words to be hurtful, destructive and oppressive to others, most commonly in an effort to uplift themselves. Like most, words have hurt me throughout my life, leaving invisible but very real scars. And admittedly,  even after knowing the pain that words can cause, I have used my own words maliciously, tactlessly and uncouthly.

But please understand, the more you use your words as a weapon, the easier it becomes to continue using your words negatively. Anything that you do repeatedly has the ability to become a habit and regardless to how you have used your words to tear people down in the past, you are capable of reversing this habit. This type of behavior is learned and cyclical but we are capable of breaking the cycle. Practice tact. Understandably, you cannot  always make everyone happy with what you say and you cannot change a person's interpretation of what you've said. However, you are capable of staying mindful of how what you are saying can be perceived and how it may affect others.

Words have to power to uplift, inspire and encourage. How will you use your words today? Will you use them positively or will you use them negatively? Be not deceived, we have made no progress if we uplift ourselves while oppressing others. So let's be bold, beautiful, courageous, uplifting, encouraging and kind!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Positivity is key.

A consistent positive attitude and perspective are two of the many keys to life.  Now believe me, I understand that everyday isn't going to be sunshine and applesauce, however, I am certain that having a positive attitude and perspective can alleviate stress on even the most challenging of days. Because the truth about it is that sometimes we do encounter roadblocks and setbacks; obstacles that threaten our progress, our dreams and our hope.  And regardless to whether your life is in an upward swing or you are experiencing a downward spiral, remaining positive and having the ability to put things into a positive perspective can make all the difference.

Now, if you are the type of person that has a hard time consistently keeping a positive attitude, I'm here to tell you that you needn't worry - change doesn't happen over night! Positivity is a learned behavior and if you remain mindful of your attitude, you are capable of making positivity a habit in your life. Opposition is inevitable but with the right attitude and perspective, you may be able to turn your obstacles into opportunities!  So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be positive and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

To new beginnings...

Dear reader:

I am hopeful that the journey in which we are about to embark upon will empower us to be better human beings. But before we begin, there are a few things that I need for you to understand:

1. You are beautiful. And not just some of you - all of you. Regardless to whether you are male, female or working openly/discreetly to sort it all out. Regardless to whether you are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, asexual, transsexual, transgender, queer and any other label you have given yourself or any label that society has given you. Regardless to your faith, political opinions, race, ethnicity, nationality and upbringing.
2. You are capable. And not just some of you - all of you. You are capable of being a good person. You are capable of being successful. You are capable of righting your wrongs. You are a capable of being loved. You are capable of loving someone. You are capable of admitting when you've messed up. You are capable of accepting praise. You are capable of learning. You are capable of being right. You are capable of giving. You are capable of achieving. You are capable of changing. You are capable of forgiving. You are capable of accomplishing. You are capable of overcoming. You are capable of loving yourself. You are capable of helping. You are capable of receiving. And you are capable of defining what all of the above looks like. 
3. You are human. And not just some of you - all of you. You are flawed and imperfect…and you are beautiful and you are capable.

Now, please don't get the wrong impression. I'm no expert on life and I don't have all the answers. I'm just familiar with some of life's ups and downs. And not unlike you, I am beautiful, capable and human. And I've tried my best to be hateful and spiteful, however, I wasn't very good at it. And despite my efforts at being completely consumed with bitterness, I discovered that I'm much better at being uplifting and encouraging. So, let's be bold, beautiful, courageous and kind!

Love & Peace

Niki B.