Byproducts

Far stricter than my mother, my father never cut my sisters and me any slack. Although he maintains that he was not focused on raising women, but focused on raising people, a great many years I wished that he would have taught us to embrace our femininity. As a result of his method of child rearing, among other things, I learned how to be independent and confident that I could do great things. However, I also struggled for many years to understand the traditional role that society has placed on women - socially and professionally.

Whether we were doing homework, housework or yard work, my father wouldn't allow us to state that we had finished something until it was the best that it could be. At the time, I thought he was mean and that nothing was ever "good enough" to him. Today, I understand that he was teaching us the importance of good work ethic and being able to take pride in everything that we did. However, those two things weren't all we learned. We also learned that we were capable of so much more than we gave ourselves credit for and that putting in more effort at the start and taking our time to complete the task ahead of us, would ultimately save us time and effort in the end.

Additionally, I was taught to avoid being directly confrontational. Subsequently, I learned how to be passive aggressive. You see, some lessons and behaviors are taught as a byproduct of that which was intended to be taught. The truth is, we also learn things subconsciously; some good and some not. From the examples I gave, we can identify a few positive byproducts associated with the lesson in which I learned. Adversely, there were some byproducts that weren't intended to be taught. Therefore, I believe it is imperative that we consider, no matter how well intentioned we are, the byproducts of our actions, behavior and the lessons we aim to teach. In doing so, we will not completely remove the less favorable byproducts, however, it may help to alleviate many of them. So, as we consider the byproducts we leave behind, let's also remember to be mindful, conscious, courageous, kind, loving, bold, beautiful and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Authenticity Required

For many years I struggled with wanting to please people. Fearful that if I didn't make every effort possible to be the person that others wanted me to be, they wouldn't accept me. However, what I have come to realize is having that type of mentality is poisonous to my life. No matter how may people talk about us for not living and/or acting a certain way, we must remain committed to being our authentic selves.

Now, please don't get me wrong - being authentic doesn't mean that we shouldn't be adaptable. Additionally, I'm not saying that we should never concern ourselves with what other people think. After all, people's impressions of us play a huge part in our lives, specifically in how we network and progress in the world (both socially and professionally). Adaptability is one of the best qualities we can possess. Whether we are hanging out with friends or conversing with colleagues, having the ability to modify our behavior and the way in which we communicate effectively in any environment is a must. However, we mustn't compromise who we are (fundamentally) in an effort to please others.

Life truly becomes increasingly joyful when we stop pretending to be someone else. When we are no longer fearful of what other people think about the person we used to be, the person we are and the person we are becoming, we have the courage to be our authentic selves. So I challenge you, as I have challenged myself, to be authentically you. And while we are being our authentic selves, it is imperative that we remember to be bold, beautiful, kind, encouraged, courageous, genuine, conscious and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Pressing Through

I've spent the last three months consciously focusing on healing. Admittedly, life during Q4 2013 dealt some pretty devastating blows that knocked me to the ground. And day by day, through faith, family and friends, I progress in the effort to pick myself up and carry on. Met with many challenges, each day presents me with the opportunity to be the best me that I can be. Each day, I remind myself that my feelings and emotions are valid, that I am someone who is valuable and that I have a voice.

We are all remarkably human. We are beautifully flawed and we make mistakes. We know joy and we know sorrow. We have amazing resiliency and the power to change. We all have a purpose in this life and we are stronger than we ever thought we needed to be. We have highs and we have lows...and we have everything in between.

So, no matter what life throws at you, remind yourself that healing requires conscious effort, as well as time. Try not to rush the process. This is your life. And while you're living your life, remember to be bold, beautiful, courageous, conscious, strong, forgiving, focused, uplifting, kind and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

The Beginning - 2014

As the first day of the year comes to an end, I can't help but reflect on the past year; I am so grateful for all that I have in this world. My family and I had many ups and downs in 2013; some things were out of our control and others were intentional. And I know that I talk a lot about perspective because I truly believe that when you have a positive perspective, even the worst situations become less stressful. However, very rarely do I talk about the challenge of getting to that perspective. And it seems that when things are out of our control, it's most challenging to gain a positive perspective.

Over the past few months, I began to forget this. And not everyday and in every situation, but intermittently. I began to lose sight of the value of positive perspective. I allowed things that I had no control over to take "control over me". And the "control over me" didn't go away at the stroke of midnight, today. I'm still working through it. And I realize that it's going to take a great deal of work to get completely through it.

Everyday isn't going to be applesauce and rainbows. Some days are challenging (in the least positive way) and mentally, physically and emotionally overwhelming. And every situation or challenge that we encounter doesn't just go away overnight. And you may be reading this while dealing with some challenging and/or overwhelming situations in your own life.  But as you navigate through life, I hope you'll remember what I had to remind myself: you are not alone in this world. Be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be patient, be conscious, be positive, be kind, be loving, be grateful and be well!

Happy New Year!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Are you chasing seasons?

Chasing Seasons
An observation by Nichol Blair
 

I caught a glimpse of her. She had been away so long. Lost. Abducted by depression and consumed by fear. She had been attacked by time and suffocated by doubt. Empty without motivation or inspiration; the disappointing truths remained. Exhausted. She still ran.
 

See, she had been chasing seasons.

Once her passions were so strong; igniting wildfires. But it seemed as though her dreams had been extinguished. She could reappoint the fabrications that she once fed herself but she told me she didn’t have an appetite for them these days.

The seasons came and went, all leaving their mark on her heart. She had changed. Resuscitated by faith - still - she felt defeated. It seemed as though she didn’t know how to live without the pain. One could argue that she brought it on herself but, she would surely deny it. Misguided. She still ran.

Searching for answers, she pressed on. She emerged every time missing pieces of her heart, pieces of her mind, and pieces of her spirit. Discouraged. One could surmise that her self-esteem was low having put herself through those seasons but again, she would deny it. Broken. She wept.

Our seasons are simply our life experiences; some good and some not. Challenges and relationships that have burdened us. Dreams that we put on hold because life happened. Arguably, everyone experiences one or more of these observations throughout their lifetime. So my question to you is, are you chasing seasons? Because if you are, I'm here to tell you that it's okay. Life happens. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not. But when it's not, be sure to take time to recover. Recuperate from those negative experiences. Take time to heal and grow, and take what you've learned from those challenges and apply it in the future. Allow yourself to process your feelings as you move forward. Try your best not to let your negative experiences make you angry, bitter or mean. Proceed in life with kindness and an open mind, allowing your experiences to make you a better person. Evaluate the consequences - both positive and negative - of your decisions. Make them consciously.  And we can't always decide what happens to us in this life, but we can most certainly be mindful of how we react to it. So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be encouraged, be honest, be mindful, be kind and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.