Time: The Disease of Procrastination

I began taking public transportation to work last month, after having semi-relocated. Prior to this transition, I spent many hours processing the upcoming changes and what they meant for my life. Earlier mornings, longer days, extended commute, more interaction with strangers and less time at home. This ultimately boiled down to one thing - I would have less time to procrastinate. Less. Time. To. Procrastinate. A more productive life was one positive thing out of all the changes I had been preparing myself to accept. For several years, I've been saying that a more productive life is what desired. And the thought made me excited but as soon as I'd become excited, I'd remember - earlier mornings, longer days, extended commute, more interaction with strangers and less time at home. =)

I've always praised myself on having been so productive when I was a student. I maintained a decent GPA while working full-time and taking care of my other responsibilities. I even managed to have something resembling a social life. I made things happen and I got things done. Efficient and effective. But once I graduated, I began putting things off. And the time I spent procrastinating multiplied exponentially.

It's been years since I was a student. Years since my life was a finely tuned time efficiency machine. And just so we're clear, I procrastinated as a student as well, however, the time I spent doing so was far less. 

And while some things will take a lot longer to get used to than others, I'm excited with the challenge. I'm excited to see how much my productivity will rise. I look forward to tracking my progress in attaining certain goals that I've been putting off. 

So, if you're like me and need a reason to buckle down and get productive, I challenge you to find that reason. Together, we can take back control of our lives (as much as any one person can take control of their life). And whatever we do, let's remember to be bold, beautiful, encouraging, uplifting, empowering, present living, future focused, productive, efficient, effective and well. 

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Make Time

I haven't posted in quite a while; I've been busy taking care of some important personal matters. I found, however, over the past two months, that I've missed blog writing. It has definitely become a treasured outlet for me. Another way to express myself in a constructively.

Art is my therapy. I use poetry to express my frustrations and joys and blog writing to remind myself to be the best person I can be. And through the process of my art, I hope that I invite others to do the same. But sometimes other things take precedence. Life doesn't always allow for us to take the time to be creative. But as we continue living our lives, I believe that it is imperative that we [make] time. Make time to identify and utilize constructive outlets in our lives. Make time for the things we love - especially if they will help us become the person we wish to be.

And while we're on the topic of making time, I also believe that it is imperative to [make] time for the people in your life that mean the most to you. Even if your schedules are full and chaotic, move things around where you can so that you can spend more time with the people that bring out the best in you. I guarantee, if you invest your time in people that want you to succeed in life, your return will be more than you could have ever imagined. So while we're making time for creativity and our loved ones, remember to be bold, beautiful, genuine, considerate, encouraging, mindful, kind, inspiring, creative and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Communication: Personal Relationships

I recently stumbled across a piece that I wrote about communicating in personal relationships. Alarmingly, the message is still relevant for me today. My personal relationships have become increasingly impersonal as more user-friendly social media outlets emerge. Even thinking about it now, I haven't had a face-to-face or phone conversation with several people that I care a great deal about, in quite some time. I wrote: 

"Who had I become - this person who thinks communication is considered efficient when only a text message had been sent or a "like" icon was clicked on a Facebook photo or status update? One or two comments left on a "wall" or a "tweet" with a hashtag for clarity had become the only way that I was allowing myself to be expressive -- personally. What happened to my ideologies that communication was most effective when non-verbal cues could be observed? Why was it that I was so willing to communicate, for lack of a better word, in a medium wherein everything was lost in translation? Had I accepted societal norms, thus, accepting that this emerging form of communication was in fact effective communication for young adults in America?"

I continue to subconsciously pretend that I'm content with the impersonal nature of the relationships I consider cultivated. My hope is that you are not as familiar as I with regard to these types of relationships. However, if impersonal relationships are a common theme in your life, I challenge you, as I've once again challenged myself, to take a proactive approach when communicating personally. If we expect our new or stagnant relationships to blossom into lifelong relationships, we must first make the effort, to interact on a more personal level. And as our relationships evolve into strong and healthy lifelong relationships, remember that they too must be maintained on a personal level.  

With that being said, please don't get me wrong. Social media and messaging tools are not bad things. They are a great way to stay connected when distance and time prevent you from physically being in the same space as the person/people in which you are interacting with. And while some messaging and social media outlets offer a more personal approach to virtual communication, it should not be the only form of communication you have with the people in which you wish to build strong relationships with. Relationships that require a higher level of personal interaction but lack nurturing and are deprived of growth opportunities, will not outlast the test of time. So while we make the effort to strengthen our personal relationships through face-to-face interactions, let's also remember to be bold, beautiful, mindful, courageous, kind, genuine, nurturing, uplifting, conscious, encouraging, inspiring and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Byproducts

Far stricter than my mother, my father never cut my sisters and me any slack. Although he maintains that he was not focused on raising women, but focused on raising people, a great many years I wished that he would have taught us to embrace our femininity. As a result of his method of child rearing, among other things, I learned how to be independent and confident that I could do great things. However, I also struggled for many years to understand the traditional role that society has placed on women - socially and professionally.

Whether we were doing homework, housework or yard work, my father wouldn't allow us to state that we had finished something until it was the best that it could be. At the time, I thought he was mean and that nothing was ever "good enough" to him. Today, I understand that he was teaching us the importance of good work ethic and being able to take pride in everything that we did. However, those two things weren't all we learned. We also learned that we were capable of so much more than we gave ourselves credit for and that putting in more effort at the start and taking our time to complete the task ahead of us, would ultimately save us time and effort in the end.

Additionally, I was taught to avoid being directly confrontational. Subsequently, I learned how to be passive aggressive. You see, some lessons and behaviors are taught as a byproduct of that which was intended to be taught. The truth is, we also learn things subconsciously; some good and some not. From the examples I gave, we can identify a few positive byproducts associated with the lesson in which I learned. Adversely, there were some byproducts that weren't intended to be taught. Therefore, I believe it is imperative that we consider, no matter how well intentioned we are, the byproducts of our actions, behavior and the lessons we aim to teach. In doing so, we will not completely remove the less favorable byproducts, however, it may help to alleviate many of them. So, as we consider the byproducts we leave behind, let's also remember to be mindful, conscious, courageous, kind, loving, bold, beautiful and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Authenticity Required

For many years I struggled with wanting to please people. Fearful that if I didn't make every effort possible to be the person that others wanted me to be, they wouldn't accept me. However, what I have come to realize is having that type of mentality is poisonous to my life. No matter how may people talk about us for not living and/or acting a certain way, we must remain committed to being our authentic selves.

Now, please don't get me wrong - being authentic doesn't mean that we shouldn't be adaptable. Additionally, I'm not saying that we should never concern ourselves with what other people think. After all, people's impressions of us play a huge part in our lives, specifically in how we network and progress in the world (both socially and professionally). Adaptability is one of the best qualities we can possess. Whether we are hanging out with friends or conversing with colleagues, having the ability to modify our behavior and the way in which we communicate effectively in any environment is a must. However, we mustn't compromise who we are (fundamentally) in an effort to please others.

Life truly becomes increasingly joyful when we stop pretending to be someone else. When we are no longer fearful of what other people think about the person we used to be, the person we are and the person we are becoming, we have the courage to be our authentic selves. So I challenge you, as I have challenged myself, to be authentically you. And while we are being our authentic selves, it is imperative that we remember to be bold, beautiful, kind, encouraged, courageous, genuine, conscious and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Setting Goals

I've always been goal-oriented. Partly because of my upbringing, though, most importantly because I believe that progress is still progress no matter how slow it moves. Therefore, whenever I set goals for myself, I focus on the S.M.A.R.T. goals model. Being able to set S.M.A.R.T. goals has really helped me achieve previous successes. The model encourages that the goals we set should be:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Realistic
• Time-targeted

For example, when I went back to school, I had already identified the degree I wanted to earn. I knew the time period in which I wanted to earn it, the resources and steps required to make it happen and ultimately the purpose I wanted it to serve. Each course that I completed served as a milestone on the road to achieving that goal. After all milestones had been reached, I had earned my degree.

The people closest to me know that I work very hard to achieve the goals I set for myself. So much so that I often forget to celebrate the milestones I achieve, prior to continuing on my journey to achieve the next goal. And I often find that without doing so, I reach burnout much sooner. A good friend of mine encourages me to reflect on my accomplishments. He reminds me to celebrate myself and not by way of being boastful, but simply to look back on how far I've come.

When setting goals in life, I challenge you to set S.M.A.R.T. goals. No matter how long it takes to achieve them, remember that you are still making progress if you are moving forward. And on your journey to attaining your goals, don't forget to take the time to reflect on your progress. It is definitely possible to work on multiple goals at the same time and often this is the reality of moving forward. Many times, I find myself modifying my goals, whether it's to change the priority of the goal or to simply to adjust the timetable; don't be afraid to modify your own goals when needed. Lastly, when setting your goals, don't forget to be bold, focused, encouraged, motivated and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Choose Forgiveness: Grudges Don't Build Bridges

Inevitably, we will feel that someone has wronged us in some way. From the stranger that parked in the parking space (in the packed parking lot) that we were waiting on for three minutes, to a loved one that didn't keep their word - we are left feeling, among other things, upset, frustrated, hurt and disappointed. And when we find ourselves experiencing these feelings, it becomes very easy to hold a grudge against the person that made us feel this way. However, it is then that we must choose to forgive them. We must choose not to hold that grudge against them.

Now, please don't get me wrong - there are so many hurtful things in life that take us a lot longer to process. And in these situations, forgiveness is not easily given. However, once we are able to forgive others, we give ourselves permission to move forward. And in giving ourselves permission to move forward, we allow joy to enter into our lives. We may never see the person that wronged us again, however, if we have a somewhat lifelong relationship with them, it's imperative that we remember - grudges don't build bridges. Because the truth is, forgiving someone always benefits us more than it does them. And maintaining positive relationships with people that will remain a part of our lives, will more than likely benefit us as well.

Whether the wrong was actual or perceived - intentional or not - we must be willing to let it go. Some wrongs are so hurtful that it will take more than our decision to forgive, to let it go...and that's okay. Because whether we process these wrongs by faith, counseling and/or time, we will feel much better once we've let it go. So, in life, don't ever forget to be bold, beautiful, willing, forgiving, loving, kind, courageous, positive and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Pressing Through

I've spent the last three months consciously focusing on healing. Admittedly, life during Q4 2013 dealt some pretty devastating blows that knocked me to the ground. And day by day, through faith, family and friends, I progress in the effort to pick myself up and carry on. Met with many challenges, each day presents me with the opportunity to be the best me that I can be. Each day, I remind myself that my feelings and emotions are valid, that I am someone who is valuable and that I have a voice.

We are all remarkably human. We are beautifully flawed and we make mistakes. We know joy and we know sorrow. We have amazing resiliency and the power to change. We all have a purpose in this life and we are stronger than we ever thought we needed to be. We have highs and we have lows...and we have everything in between.

So, no matter what life throws at you, remind yourself that healing requires conscious effort, as well as time. Try not to rush the process. This is your life. And while you're living your life, remember to be bold, beautiful, courageous, conscious, strong, forgiving, focused, uplifting, kind and well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

The Beginning - 2014

As the first day of the year comes to an end, I can't help but reflect on the past year; I am so grateful for all that I have in this world. My family and I had many ups and downs in 2013; some things were out of our control and others were intentional. And I know that I talk a lot about perspective because I truly believe that when you have a positive perspective, even the worst situations become less stressful. However, very rarely do I talk about the challenge of getting to that perspective. And it seems that when things are out of our control, it's most challenging to gain a positive perspective.

Over the past few months, I began to forget this. And not everyday and in every situation, but intermittently. I began to lose sight of the value of positive perspective. I allowed things that I had no control over to take "control over me". And the "control over me" didn't go away at the stroke of midnight, today. I'm still working through it. And I realize that it's going to take a great deal of work to get completely through it.

Everyday isn't going to be applesauce and rainbows. Some days are challenging (in the least positive way) and mentally, physically and emotionally overwhelming. And every situation or challenge that we encounter doesn't just go away overnight. And you may be reading this while dealing with some challenging and/or overwhelming situations in your own life.  But as you navigate through life, I hope you'll remember what I had to remind myself: you are not alone in this world. Be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be patient, be conscious, be positive, be kind, be loving, be grateful and be well!

Happy New Year!

Love & Peace

Niki B.