How critical are you?

Sometimes, we can be so critical of others. So much so that what we say to people affects their self-esteem...but that's a blog post for another day. Today, I'd like to address the importance of being self-critical and how it can both positively and negatively affect our own self-esteem.  The word self means: by, to, with, for, or toward yourself or itself (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary). The word critical means: using or involving careful judgment about the good and bad parts of something  (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary). Therefore, to be self-critical means that you are using careful judgment about the good and bad parts of yourself. The ability to be self-critical allows us to improve ourselves.

Now, I don't know anyone that is more critical of my words, thoughts and actions as much as I am. This is a good thing because it allows me to acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses. However, what isn't a good thing, is that I can be so self-critical that it starts  to hinder my growth and progress in certain areas of my life. Take this blog for example. I've wanted to start a blog for over three years. The excuses that I used to delay starting a blog? Here, I'll list a few of them:  

1. No one will care what you have to say…and why should they? 
2. You aren't a good speller. 
3. Your grammar isn't always perfect. 
4. You don't have anything to talk about. 
5. Your life isn't picture perfect.

The list goes on and on. And it took a long time for me to step out of my box because I kept feeding the self-doubt that lived inside of me. Now, one blog at a time, I'm actualizing a dream. However small it may seem to you, it's my progress…and progress is still progress no matter how slow it moves. So remember this, you are capable of making progress in all of the areas of your life that you wish to make progress in. So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be [moderately] self-critical and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Is your roof leaking?

When I was a little girl, the family room of the house I grew up in used to have an open beam ceiling and a flat roof and every time it would rain, the roof leaked. You could always smell the wet wood before you saw the water and because of how the water would run down the wood beams, where the water dripped didn't necessarily mean that’s were the leak was. My parents, having other financial obligations, were unable to buy a new roof or even have it professionally repaired for some time. So my dad would study the leak inside while it was raining and when the rain subsided, he would climb up to the roof, try to find the hole/leak and patch it up. Eventually, they had enough money saved to purchase a new roof and we never had a leak again.

I've found that life is a lot like that leaking roof, wherein we are the roof and the elements represent the unwanted challenges, setbacks, disappointments and failures that we encounter throughout our lifetime. And as we are exposed to more and more elements, we begin to wear down and sometimes we lose our effectiveness at being our best selves. We forget who we once were, our light dims and/or we lose focus on our purpose; all these things represent a leaking roof. Now you can try to abate the effects that the elements have on your life with quick fixes and fancy patchwork, but eventually you will need to purchase a new life. And new lives don't go on sale; they're always sold at full-price. But they can't be purchased with money. No, it'll cost you much more. You see, the best quality of lives can only be purchased with insecurities, self-doubt and fears. Because once you've traded those babies in, you’ve got yourself a brand new life!

So my question to you is - is your roof leaking? If so, you may be in need of a new one! Life happens to everyone and just because someone else's situation doesn't look like yours, doesn't mean that they don't have their own situation to deal with. And sometimes, the elements can negatively affect one area of our lives but project in another. Be mindful of this both within yourself and when dealing with others. And once you positively change your thinking, you are capable of positively changing your living. So do your best not to take on the victim mentality when the elements feel insurmountable. It may take a great deal of time and energy, but you will - one day - be able to purchase a new life! So be bold, be beautiful, be kind, be confident, be courageous, be encouraged and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Words hurt.

There's an old adage that states:

Sticks and stones will break my bones

But words will never harm me.

And as a child, I learned the nursery rhyme called "Sticks and Stones" that reads:

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But names will never hurt me.

Well, I'm here to tell you that words can hurt. People have always used words maliciously. Some people use their words to be hurtful, destructive and oppressive to others, most commonly in an effort to uplift themselves. Like most, words have hurt me throughout my life, leaving invisible but very real scars. And admittedly,  even after knowing the pain that words can cause, I have used my own words maliciously, tactlessly and uncouthly.

But please understand, the more you use your words as a weapon, the easier it becomes to continue using your words negatively. Anything that you do repeatedly has the ability to become a habit and regardless to how you have used your words to tear people down in the past, you are capable of reversing this habit. This type of behavior is learned and cyclical but we are capable of breaking the cycle. Practice tact. Understandably, you cannot  always make everyone happy with what you say and you cannot change a person's interpretation of what you've said. However, you are capable of staying mindful of how what you are saying can be perceived and how it may affect others.

Words have to power to uplift, inspire and encourage. How will you use your words today? Will you use them positively or will you use them negatively? Be not deceived, we have made no progress if we uplift ourselves while oppressing others. So let's be bold, beautiful, courageous, uplifting, encouraging and kind!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Positivity is key.

A consistent positive attitude and perspective are two of the many keys to life.  Now believe me, I understand that everyday isn't going to be sunshine and applesauce, however, I am certain that having a positive attitude and perspective can alleviate stress on even the most challenging of days. Because the truth about it is that sometimes we do encounter roadblocks and setbacks; obstacles that threaten our progress, our dreams and our hope.  And regardless to whether your life is in an upward swing or you are experiencing a downward spiral, remaining positive and having the ability to put things into a positive perspective can make all the difference.

Now, if you are the type of person that has a hard time consistently keeping a positive attitude, I'm here to tell you that you needn't worry - change doesn't happen over night! Positivity is a learned behavior and if you remain mindful of your attitude, you are capable of making positivity a habit in your life. Opposition is inevitable but with the right attitude and perspective, you may be able to turn your obstacles into opportunities!  So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be positive and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.