The Closing - 2013

Ok, here it is. I don't always follow the rules. I love romance - even if it's simple or cliché. I love intimacy - regardless to whether it's hand holding or cuddling. I like to giggle and act silly and I am not at all opposed to catering to the ones I love. Among other things, sentiments of the heart make me cry. I love to eat excellent food with great people while having stimulating conversations. I believe that time is the greatest gift you can give, there is no greater compliment than beauty, flowers are thoughtful and sincerity is priceless. I try my best not to hold grudges and not to keep score even though it's easier said than done. I count my blessings often because I know they are gifts from God. 2013 packed a pretty heavy punch - I pray that I can punch back in 2014! I pray that I'll find comfort through creative expression and that I'll have the strength not to compromise who I am to please others. And if you'll allow me to, I'll pray the same for you! Be well, be kind, be bold, be beautiful, be sincere, be good to yourselves and be good to others.

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Are you chasing seasons?

Chasing Seasons
An observation by Nichol Blair
 

I caught a glimpse of her. She had been away so long. Lost. Abducted by depression and consumed by fear. She had been attacked by time and suffocated by doubt. Empty without motivation or inspiration; the disappointing truths remained. Exhausted. She still ran.
 

See, she had been chasing seasons.

Once her passions were so strong; igniting wildfires. But it seemed as though her dreams had been extinguished. She could reappoint the fabrications that she once fed herself but she told me she didn’t have an appetite for them these days.

The seasons came and went, all leaving their mark on her heart. She had changed. Resuscitated by faith - still - she felt defeated. It seemed as though she didn’t know how to live without the pain. One could argue that she brought it on herself but, she would surely deny it. Misguided. She still ran.

Searching for answers, she pressed on. She emerged every time missing pieces of her heart, pieces of her mind, and pieces of her spirit. Discouraged. One could surmise that her self-esteem was low having put herself through those seasons but again, she would deny it. Broken. She wept.

Our seasons are simply our life experiences; some good and some not. Challenges and relationships that have burdened us. Dreams that we put on hold because life happened. Arguably, everyone experiences one or more of these observations throughout their lifetime. So my question to you is, are you chasing seasons? Because if you are, I'm here to tell you that it's okay. Life happens. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not. But when it's not, be sure to take time to recover. Recuperate from those negative experiences. Take time to heal and grow, and take what you've learned from those challenges and apply it in the future. Allow yourself to process your feelings as you move forward. Try your best not to let your negative experiences make you angry, bitter or mean. Proceed in life with kindness and an open mind, allowing your experiences to make you a better person. Evaluate the consequences - both positive and negative - of your decisions. Make them consciously.  And we can't always decide what happens to us in this life, but we can most certainly be mindful of how we react to it. So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be encouraged, be honest, be mindful, be kind and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

An unapologetic journey.

For the first time in a really long time, I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. I sincerely believe that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And this past year and a half has been incredibly challenging...for lack of a better phrase, in seemingly every area of my life. So I spent a great deal of time rewriting the vision and the journey brought about a rediscovery of self. And from this rediscovery of self, I have made conscious decisions about my life, the vision and my future...and for none am I apologetic.

The one thing that really stands out to me about this journey is that sometimes you have to walk away from poisonous relationships, regardless to whether they are friendships or partnerships. Sometimes, you have to remove angry and negative people from your every day life...even if they're family. Why? Because you are worth it! You are worthy of all good things and you deserve to have everything your heart desires!

Work hard, stay focused and if you believe in a higher power - trust in it. Understand that some people don't know how to be encouraging and/or supportive. And understand that ultimately, that isn't your problem. Live with purpose, set goals/milestones for yourself and keep moving forward. Life shouldn't be a race unless you want it to be. And progress is still progress no matter how slow it moves. So be beautiful, be bold, be encouraged, be inspired, be kind, be courageous, be encouraging, be supportive, be conscious and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

How critical are you?

Sometimes, we can be so critical of others. So much so that what we say to people affects their self-esteem...but that's a blog post for another day. Today, I'd like to address the importance of being self-critical and how it can both positively and negatively affect our own self-esteem.  The word self means: by, to, with, for, or toward yourself or itself (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary). The word critical means: using or involving careful judgment about the good and bad parts of something  (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary). Therefore, to be self-critical means that you are using careful judgment about the good and bad parts of yourself. The ability to be self-critical allows us to improve ourselves.

Now, I don't know anyone that is more critical of my words, thoughts and actions as much as I am. This is a good thing because it allows me to acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses. However, what isn't a good thing, is that I can be so self-critical that it starts  to hinder my growth and progress in certain areas of my life. Take this blog for example. I've wanted to start a blog for over three years. The excuses that I used to delay starting a blog? Here, I'll list a few of them:  

1. No one will care what you have to say…and why should they? 
2. You aren't a good speller. 
3. Your grammar isn't always perfect. 
4. You don't have anything to talk about. 
5. Your life isn't picture perfect.

The list goes on and on. And it took a long time for me to step out of my box because I kept feeding the self-doubt that lived inside of me. Now, one blog at a time, I'm actualizing a dream. However small it may seem to you, it's my progress…and progress is still progress no matter how slow it moves. So remember this, you are capable of making progress in all of the areas of your life that you wish to make progress in. So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be [moderately] self-critical and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Is your roof leaking?

When I was a little girl, the family room of the house I grew up in used to have an open beam ceiling and a flat roof and every time it would rain, the roof leaked. You could always smell the wet wood before you saw the water and because of how the water would run down the wood beams, where the water dripped didn't necessarily mean that’s were the leak was. My parents, having other financial obligations, were unable to buy a new roof or even have it professionally repaired for some time. So my dad would study the leak inside while it was raining and when the rain subsided, he would climb up to the roof, try to find the hole/leak and patch it up. Eventually, they had enough money saved to purchase a new roof and we never had a leak again.

I've found that life is a lot like that leaking roof, wherein we are the roof and the elements represent the unwanted challenges, setbacks, disappointments and failures that we encounter throughout our lifetime. And as we are exposed to more and more elements, we begin to wear down and sometimes we lose our effectiveness at being our best selves. We forget who we once were, our light dims and/or we lose focus on our purpose; all these things represent a leaking roof. Now you can try to abate the effects that the elements have on your life with quick fixes and fancy patchwork, but eventually you will need to purchase a new life. And new lives don't go on sale; they're always sold at full-price. But they can't be purchased with money. No, it'll cost you much more. You see, the best quality of lives can only be purchased with insecurities, self-doubt and fears. Because once you've traded those babies in, you’ve got yourself a brand new life!

So my question to you is - is your roof leaking? If so, you may be in need of a new one! Life happens to everyone and just because someone else's situation doesn't look like yours, doesn't mean that they don't have their own situation to deal with. And sometimes, the elements can negatively affect one area of our lives but project in another. Be mindful of this both within yourself and when dealing with others. And once you positively change your thinking, you are capable of positively changing your living. So do your best not to take on the victim mentality when the elements feel insurmountable. It may take a great deal of time and energy, but you will - one day - be able to purchase a new life! So be bold, be beautiful, be kind, be confident, be courageous, be encouraged and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Words hurt.

There's an old adage that states:

Sticks and stones will break my bones

But words will never harm me.

And as a child, I learned the nursery rhyme called "Sticks and Stones" that reads:

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But names will never hurt me.

Well, I'm here to tell you that words can hurt. People have always used words maliciously. Some people use their words to be hurtful, destructive and oppressive to others, most commonly in an effort to uplift themselves. Like most, words have hurt me throughout my life, leaving invisible but very real scars. And admittedly,  even after knowing the pain that words can cause, I have used my own words maliciously, tactlessly and uncouthly.

But please understand, the more you use your words as a weapon, the easier it becomes to continue using your words negatively. Anything that you do repeatedly has the ability to become a habit and regardless to how you have used your words to tear people down in the past, you are capable of reversing this habit. This type of behavior is learned and cyclical but we are capable of breaking the cycle. Practice tact. Understandably, you cannot  always make everyone happy with what you say and you cannot change a person's interpretation of what you've said. However, you are capable of staying mindful of how what you are saying can be perceived and how it may affect others.

Words have to power to uplift, inspire and encourage. How will you use your words today? Will you use them positively or will you use them negatively? Be not deceived, we have made no progress if we uplift ourselves while oppressing others. So let's be bold, beautiful, courageous, uplifting, encouraging and kind!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

Positivity is key.

A consistent positive attitude and perspective are two of the many keys to life.  Now believe me, I understand that everyday isn't going to be sunshine and applesauce, however, I am certain that having a positive attitude and perspective can alleviate stress on even the most challenging of days. Because the truth about it is that sometimes we do encounter roadblocks and setbacks; obstacles that threaten our progress, our dreams and our hope.  And regardless to whether your life is in an upward swing or you are experiencing a downward spiral, remaining positive and having the ability to put things into a positive perspective can make all the difference.

Now, if you are the type of person that has a hard time consistently keeping a positive attitude, I'm here to tell you that you needn't worry - change doesn't happen over night! Positivity is a learned behavior and if you remain mindful of your attitude, you are capable of making positivity a habit in your life. Opposition is inevitable but with the right attitude and perspective, you may be able to turn your obstacles into opportunities!  So be bold, be beautiful, be courageous, be positive and be well!

Love & Peace

Niki B.

To new beginnings...

Dear reader:

I am hopeful that the journey in which we are about to embark upon will empower us to be better human beings. But before we begin, there are a few things that I need for you to understand:

1. You are beautiful. And not just some of you - all of you. Regardless to whether you are male, female or working openly/discreetly to sort it all out. Regardless to whether you are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, asexual, transsexual, transgender, queer and any other label you have given yourself or any label that society has given you. Regardless to your faith, political opinions, race, ethnicity, nationality and upbringing.
2. You are capable. And not just some of you - all of you. You are capable of being a good person. You are capable of being successful. You are capable of righting your wrongs. You are a capable of being loved. You are capable of loving someone. You are capable of admitting when you've messed up. You are capable of accepting praise. You are capable of learning. You are capable of being right. You are capable of giving. You are capable of achieving. You are capable of changing. You are capable of forgiving. You are capable of accomplishing. You are capable of overcoming. You are capable of loving yourself. You are capable of helping. You are capable of receiving. And you are capable of defining what all of the above looks like. 
3. You are human. And not just some of you - all of you. You are flawed and imperfect…and you are beautiful and you are capable.

Now, please don't get the wrong impression. I'm no expert on life and I don't have all the answers. I'm just familiar with some of life's ups and downs. And not unlike you, I am beautiful, capable and human. And I've tried my best to be hateful and spiteful, however, I wasn't very good at it. And despite my efforts at being completely consumed with bitterness, I discovered that I'm much better at being uplifting and encouraging. So, let's be bold, beautiful, courageous and kind!

Love & Peace

Niki B.